


Endgame

by thejunipertree



Category: Cobra Kai (Web Series)
Genre: Arguing, F/M, Healing, Mental Health Issues, Post-Season/Series 02, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:40:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27224407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thejunipertree/pseuds/thejunipertree
Summary: After the events of S2, Daniel falls back into old habits and puts seemingly unendurable strain on his relationship with Amanda. The stress on their marriage pushes both of them to rethink their relationship and dredges up some past difficulties they'd tried to ignore. (Rating for thematic and language reasons)
Relationships: Amanda LaRusso/Daniel LaRusso
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12





	1. You & I

They made it about a month after Samantha was released from the hospital – one month with no karate. But slowly it crept back in. It was innocent at first. Daniel stopped by Miyagi-Do to make sure it hadn’t been wrecked by vandals or squatters. Nothing wrong with that, he thought, so of course no need to tell the wife.

He didn’t expect Sam to have followed him. She met him in the garden, where they stood for a moment in silence before she collapsed sobbing into his side and confessed that, despite it all, despite Miguel, she missed karate. And Daniel thought maybe if it was just the two of them, like it was with him and Mr. Miyagi, maybe they could keep this contained. And so they started doing forms. And then they started sparring. And then Amanda found out because she’s not an idiot and she’s not oblivious.

It was about a week after Daniel knew she knew that they had the house to themselves. Sam was at her part-time job at the movie theater that she’d gotten to “find something outside karate” (but Daniel, having his suspicions, had made a point never to ask too much about her coworkers) and Anthony was at some incomprehensible video game party event.

Daniel picked up takeout on the way home, making sure to get the eggplant Amanda loved and dessert. He had wanted to have a grown up discussion with his wife about everything that had happened. Instead he was twenty minutes into a silent dinner when Amanda’s fork clattered down onto her plate.

“Ok, so. What the fuck, Daniel?” she asked, turning toward him expectantly.

Daniel felt his hands clench. He forced them to relax and held them out – pleading and placating at once. “I- I know you think it’s dangerous. And I agree, it is. But after what Sam’s been through, after what I’ve been through with Cobra Kai-”

“Yeah, you’re the only one who’s ever suffered, Daniel.”

“Okay, I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t want to fight, you know that,” he held his hands higher in a loose imitation of a guard. “Only in self defense,” he added, with a self-deprecating smile hoping to disarm the bomb that had been ticking away in his kitchen for god knows how long.

Amanda laughed, not kindly, “You don’t want to fight? Really? Cause I’m pretty sure you absolutely fucking do! God, you always do this!”

“Look, I’m sorry – just tell me what I do and I’ll cut it out,” Daniel said, wishing he’d found a reason to be anywhere else tonight.

“Let me put it in terms you can understand. You’re like Sean Avery waving his stick in front of Marty Brodeur, waiting to get hit.”

“I am, I am not Sean Avery. What are you even talking about?”

“You are! You think that as long as you don’t ‘strike first,’ you can do whatever you want, sneaking around on the edges – goading people so when they finally react to your bullshit, suddenly – hey- you’re the victim!”

“Oh, so I’m just getting what I’ve got coming to me, is that it? Amanda, how can you say that?”

“No, of course not just… why can’t you let it go? Drop it and get back to us; our family, our business?”

“Well excuse me for wanting something more meaningful in my life than selling fucking cars!”

There was a moment of silence, broken by Amanda sucking her teeth. “Oh, so you’re playing it this way? I’m your materialistic cunt of a wife who’s killed your dreams, that’s it?” - Daniel tried to interrupt but she barreled over him - “Well guess what Daniel? That’s impossible because you don’t actually have any dreams of your own! I thought I wanted back the man I married but he doesn’t even exist does he? You’re not even a person when there’s no one else around. Me, Miyagi, fucking Cobra Kai – you’re just an empty vessel filling yourself up with whatever you can siphon off the first person who’s nice to you.”

“I- you- That’s not nice!” Daniel felt ridiculous as soon as the words came out of his mouth.

“Yeah, no shit, Danny. It’s not nice. That line never worked on the fucking kids and it’s not going to work on me. You know what else isn’t nice? Trying to make everything we built look like shit just because you’re sick of me.”

“God what the fuck Mandy? You’ve really got all this just ready to go? You’re running it over? In the shower. Or the car or. How long? How long have you been waiting to throw this in my face?”

“You’ve certainly given me enough time alone to think about it, Daniel!”

“I don’t. Why are you so against me having bigger purpose?”

“Oh please! Our first date, you couldn’t stop looking longingly at the guy’s watch at the next table. You wanted this life just as much as I did!”

“Well apparently I can’t actually want anything!”

“Yeah – and that’s not my fault!”

“According to you it is! I’m the fucking siphon or whatever, right? So all this shit you hate about me, that’s all from you, babe!”

“God… eat shit,” Amanda said, grabbing her keys off the counter. “I’m going for a drive. In one of those fucking cars that funded your stupid fucking dojo.”

“Great and I’ll just stop being a person then.”

“You do that!”

“I will!” Daniel may have lost the argument by every other measure but at least he’d gotten the last word in. He knew he should put the takeout away but instead he dumped the rest in the trash and left the dishes in the sink.


	2. Mountain Duet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the argument, Amanda and Daniel have some time alone to reflect on how they got here and what to do next.

Amanda fiddled with the radio, flipping it to one of the Spanish-language stations. Horns and strings filled up the silence of the car as she made her way down the drive and onto the 101, heading towards Topanga. She’d been living in LA for over twenty years but she always found herself seeking out tall trees and steep slopes whenever she was upset. That fight with Daniel… it had been intense and anti-climactic at the same time, leaving her feeling keyed up but with no outlet.

She felt her anger still rising as the freeway rolled away underneath her wheels, too quiet - these new models were so smooth, with none of the bumps or rumbles to break up the silence of the her solitary cab. Daniel always painted this fucked up karate war as some kind of anti-bullying crusade that she could never hope to understand. 

She’d tried to tell him how well she understood it, but something always stopped her; her stomach turned into a pit of ice and her throat stuck, like the time she’d accidentally left part of the choke on her artichoke hearts. So instead, it came up obliquely, in habits and silences rather than any kind of direct description.

Sometimes, she thought he got it. The first time they took Sam out to a restaurant, Amanda had ordered fries for the table. Back home in bed, Daniel had looked at her, fond but sad. “You know,” he’d said, bewildered, “I didn’t realize it but I’d never seen you eat fries until tonight.”

Amanda curled up on her side, facing away from him. “I want to make sure Sam doesn’t pick up anything bad from me.”

Daniel had kissed her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her. From then on, she’d also noticed how he tossed her a piece of fruit in the mornings, right in front of Sam, even though she usually ate at the office.

So, sometimes he picked up the hints. Somehow that made it all the worse that he was so totally incurious about the rest of it. She knew it wasn’t fair to blame him for not asking but still. He’d told her everything about his school days and karate rivalries. Though now she had to wonder if there weren’t some things he couldn’t talk about either. 

—  
_Amanda didn’t so much feel her head hit the floor as hear the world around her soften, as if her head had been wrapped in cotton. What she did feel was someone rubbing her face into the carpet. She couldn’t make out the words being said above her, but she could more or less guess the gist of it, especially with the mean-spirited laughter that followed._

_A series of kicks hit her in the midsection. Amanda stayed down until her tormentors got bored and left. She’d been a fucking idiot to come to this party; she’d have to quit the swim team for sure but she’d known that for about a month. She could put up with getting shoved into lockers, she could put up with all the girls screaming and leaving when she went into the showers, she could even put up with Sandy’s half-assed attempt to drown her (”Sorry, we were just messing around,” she’d told the coach. Fat fucking chance). If it was just at swim, she could deal with it. Living her whole life afraid of getting jumped though? That’s where she had to draw the line._

_Amanda had a plan: quit the swim team, keep her head down, and get the fuck out of North County as soon as she had the chance. Step one had been easy. Step two was easier said than done._

_She’d met Andi by her car after school, a green Plymouth Arrow. Andi’s car had been their lifeline ever since she got her license, taking them up to LA for shows, out east to stargaze in the mountains, even down to Mexico once or twice. How many Sunday afternoons had they spent learning how to tune it up, taking care not to get any oil on the library books?_

_Andi whistled as she walked up - Amanda had traded out her standard baseball tee and blue jeans for a floral print dress - “We going somewhere fancy, Flower Child?” she joked._

_Amanda scratched the side of her neck. She chewed her cheek. “I. I’m really sorry Andi, but… I can’t do it anymore. I just- thought I should tell you to your face? You’re my best friend, the best friend I could have but…”_

_Andi sighed.”Yeah. I mean. I don’t like seeing you get the shit beat out of you either.”_

_“I know it’s not even half of what they do to you—”_

_“Look, Amanda. I get it but. I can’t make you feel good about this, okay? It’s fucking fucked up. So, like. Bye, I guess.” She got in the car and started the engine. Amanda walked back to her bike. She didn’t wait to dry her eyes before starting to pedal home - if she ate shit, well, she fucking deserved it._

_So that was that. She’d kept to herself, learned to do her hair and makeup - some of it was even fun, and stayed the fuck away from Andi. People still gave her shit but, once she got a boyfriend, most of that cooled off too._

_As for Andi, she’d gotten bigger, more solid, and started hitting back. Amanda heard the stories but she couldn’t imagine Andi’s gentle hands, the hands she’d seen make a thousand delicate adjustments to the Arrow, crashing into someone’s stomach. Amanda wondered if she could have gone down Andi’s path. Maybe if she was really gay, like everyone said, like she knew Andi was even if they never said it, maybe then she would have. Sometimes she thought it would be easier than her daily balancing act, but then she’d catch a glimpse of the bruises on Andi’s arms or their eyes would meet by accident and she’d know: they were both in hell._

_They didn’t speak again until the last day Senior year. Amanda had smelled smoke as she crossed the parking lot, which opened onto a steep downhill road that led to the freeway. At the bottom of the hill, before the on-ramp, was the smoking wreckage of a green Plymouth Arrow . Andi was standing at the parking lot exit, staring down at it, hugging her elbows through her leather jacket._

_“Those fucking assholes,” Amanda said as she walked up._

_Andi looked at her like she’d seen a ghost. Then she looked away and drew herself in even more. “You should have seen it. It was a real production. They even waited for me to get out here before they set it on fire.”_

_Their eyes met and they shared a tight-lipped silence. Amanda could feel the apology struggling to rise from her chest but, well, what was the point now. This was shit and she was sorry. She wouldn’t have done anything different, so what right did she have to try to put any of her guilt on Andi. Some other kids came out of the school doors, yelling about the smoke and Amanda left._

— 

After pulling on some workout clothes, Daniel’s first instinct was to head to the dojo but, he remembered, it was once again filled with junk. The thousand useless objects their family had collected over twenty years were once again set to work crowding out his past. Instead, he pulled on some running shoes. Normally, Daniel avoided running. He was still skinny, even now that he’d crossed the threshold of middle age; he couldn’t afford to overload on cardio. 

As he stepped out into the chilly night air, he thought about changing into pants. No way, he thought, what, I’m gonna wimp out in California? Still, shorts meant his chicken legs were on full display. Amanda must not have minded them - she was always inviting him to spin class or to a 5k. 

He decided to start his run uphill - might as well make things easy on himself coming back down. As he ran, he realized he had missed this. He might look ridiculous but running always made him feel strong. As long as he wasn’t running away from something. That had been a revelation, going on a jog with Amanda for the first time. 

_They were on vacation, a winter holiday in Quebec City. Amanda was enthralled by the snow. On the first day, she’d seen someone running over the ice and was amazed. She’d asked the waiter about it at lunch and he’d told her abut the spikes they put on their shoes for added traction. Their next stop was to get a pair - and she’d convinced him to try it as well (”Come on, isn’t that cheating?” Daniel had objected. “It’s not cheating to accept a little help,” Amanda had countered)._

_Daniel had never been one to run just for the sake of it. He associated the burning in his lungs and the pounding in his legs with a feeling of abject terror. Even when Jessica had tried to help with his conditioning, he’d deliberately sandbagged her. But on that day, with snow gently falling, Amanda brightly smiling, their breath coming in hot puffs as they made their way along the river (”So much fucking water!” was the first thing Amanda had said when they got in), he felt balanced, strong, safe, and loved._

Tonight, Daniel could still see his breath. His feet fell in a steady rhythm; he felt like he could keep going for hours, pushing himself up to the crest of the hill. He stared down into the valley. Suddenly, he heard something moving over to his left. Glancing towards the noise, he saw a mountain lion walking across the road, about twenty feet away. 

Daniel held his hands up, tried to make himself as big as possible (easier said than done), and started backing down the road. “Hey now lion, I’m just walking back away," he said.

The mountain lion glanced up at him, briefly, before deciding he was less interesting than whoever’s trash she was hoping to get into. He watched the cat pad silently towards a side street. As he kept backing away, the animal slipped from view. Nonetheless, Daniel continued walking backwards. Better safe than sorry. 

— 

Amanda pulled off the highway and onto the dark and quiet side streets. She was the only car on the road and thank God, because she could feel the tears in the corner of her eyes; they softened the edges of the streetlights as she made her way further and further away from the rush of city traffic.

_“Girls can be so cruel…”_

Amanda had wanted to say something when saw Sam making the same mistakes she’d made in high school. But, even knowing that she’d come to regret it, she couldn’t blame her and certainly couldn’t stop her. Amanda knew firsthand that how you presented yourself mattered, knew the cost of going against the grain. So instead, she’d tried to shield Aisha from as much pain as she could, tried to give Sam a chance to back out before she hurt her friend. Hoped Sam had gotten more of her father’s courage than her mother’s cowardice. 

And Daniel had missed it, already drawn into his own war with the past. The two of them had really run a number on Sam, she thought. Maybe it was time to just call it a day, go their separate ways and put an end to this mess. It was just... 

She didn’t want to lose her business, and, fuck, was that really why she was staying? Did she care about her business more than her marriage? Did Daniel care about it just to make her happy? It had seemed so much simpler back when they’d gotten together.

—  
_Amanda pulled on her coat as she pushed open the dealership doors. It was mid-November and the weather cooled off fast once the sun went down. She fumbled around in her pockets as she made her way to her car. Just a quick smoke and then she’d hit the road and finally be done with this awful day. As she lit the cigarette, she noticed there was someone else in the lot, lying on top of a car and staring up at the gray and starless sky. Ever since she’d been put on the task of finding new lender partners, she was usually one of the last to leave at the end of the day. Still, it was worth it if she could put together good enough numbers to get an extra tenth of a percent or two out of the bank on their referrals. They were finally doing enough volume to interest some of the mid-sized banks, too. So, there shouldn’t have been anyone around to catch her smoking._

_“I’m pretty sure we’re closed,” she yelled out at the mysterious figure. They started and sat up, looking over at her. Amanda still couldn’t make out the person’s face in the dim moonlight as they got up and moved closer to her. Finally a picture came together. It was the new sales guy, the one with a total babyface and bad numbers._

_“Oh, hey,” he said with a wave, “I’ve seen you around the dealership but uh, I don’t think we’ve been introduced. I’m Daniel, LaRusso,” he held out his hand to her._

_“Amanda Czajka,” she shook his hand. “So, you’re the new guy, huh?”_

_“That’s me. Though, with how things are going, I might be the old guy pretty soon.”_

_“This your first sales job?”_

_“Oh man, is it that obvious?”_

_“A little. But, everyone’s got to start somewhere. I don’t think I had any clue what I was doing my first year out on the floor.”_

_“I didn’t know you started in sales. Wait, this is great - you gotta give me some pointers! I know, how about, I’ll be the customer and you can show me your moves!”_

_Amanda took a drag on her cigarette and looked him over. It was pretty obvious this wasn’t just about his sales technique. But damn, he was cute and besides, he really did need to catch a clue or he’d be catching the door on his backside before he knew it. “Alright, Danny, I’ll show you my moves. But you’re buying me dinner.”_

_His smile hit her like high beams on a country road and she could tell he was restraining himself from hugging her. “You’re the best, Amanda! I know if you’re showing me the way, I’m gonna be the best sales guy on the whole lot.”_

—  
Did she pull him into this life? At the time it seemed like he’d jumped at the chance to follow her. Sure, the sales role play was more flirtatious than educational but… his numbers had improved. He’d shot right up the leader board, even managing to push into the top three within about two months. She’d see him on his lunch break reading books about sales in his gorgeous yellow Ford with the top down, basking in the sun.

She’d never really thought about how his sudden drive to succeed at work had coincided pretty much exactly with the start of their relationship. Looking back now, she wondered, was he so bad at sales because his heart wasn’t in it. 

Her mind flashed back to a particular moment, about a week after their first date. She’d just gotten off a call with one of the credit unions and gotten them to budge a bit on their underwriting (”Come on, Steve, it was medical debt, and they’ve paid it down. Don’t you have some kind of alternate criteria? Well, can you underwrite it manually?”). When she glanced out her window at the lot, she saw Daniel chatting brightly with a customer. He put his hand on the roof of the car opened up his posture, inviting the client to take a closer look - it hit her like a flash: an afterimage of her making the exact same motion during their “training” session. Everything, from body positioning to mannerisms to expression, was identical. At the time, she’d just thought he was a good student. When she learned he was a karate champion, she’d thought that explained it - clearly this was a guy who was consciously aware of his body and his movements. 

Now, though, she wondered. Did Daniel like, imprint on her? What if she hadn’t stopped to smoke that night? Would he have washed out of sales entirely? The more she looked at it, the more Daniel’s life seemed to be a series of changes inspired by remarkable individuals (sure, she was no war hero but Amanda was starting to realize that she’d had a similarly strong impact on Daniel’s life).

She now saw how totally lost Daniel must have been that night. Starting over in a new field, failing at it. Just like his mother, she realized. Not that she ever thought of Lucille as a failure (a nosy, judgmental bitch from hell, sure, but not a failure) but she’d heard enough from Daniel to know how much he’d hated her job-hopping. It must have been devastating for him to realize he was heading down a similar road. 

The playful flirtation of that night and of their early days as a couple shifted in her mind, as though twisted by a fun house mirror. Was it just desperation, the entire time?

What did that say about her, that she’d fallen for a guy that was basically mimicking her personality? But no, that couldn’t be it. She thought about it - what had drawn her to him in the first place. Okay, on the first night, she just wanted something casual - another way to de-stress from her long hours. What kept drawing her in, after that? God, had she fucking settled?

No. There was something else. Daniel might not have had any direction but he had so much passion and energy back then. It actually hurt to think about how passive he’d become before all this karate shit. Not that that was much better. But still, that’s why she’d encouraged him at first - he needed something to direct all that passion toward. 

Lost in thought, Amanda was driving up the dark roads around Topanga canyon. Suddenly she saw something move at the corner of her eye. Quickly she hit the breaks. Her car skidded to a stop just feet away from a large deer. The deer stared into her headlights, stuck. She looked into those big brown eyes for a second before flashing her brights until it moved along. 

—

Daniel was glad he’d beaten Amanda home. He wanted some time to himself, but his immediate impulse was to head straight to the dojo. That was a non-starter, of course, but when he tried to think of some other way to clear his mind, he drew a total blank. “I guess that’s clear, in a way,” he thought. But instead of the certainty he felt in his body and mind doing karate forms, he felt like he was on the end of a vast chasm.

“You’re not even a person when there’s no one else around.”

He decided it was time for wine and pulled out the red he’d wanted to have with dinner. Pouring himself a generous glass, Daniel leaned on the island. If he sunk into a chair then that was like giving in to this not-a-person feeling that threatened to consume him. 

The front door burst open and Daniel nearly spilled his wine.

“WOOOHOOO,” Anthony yelled as he came in. He was holding something that looked suspiciously like a karate trophy and a guilty look passed over his face when he saw his father in the kitchen but it was quickly suppressed. He tried to walk past Daniel, hoping his father would simply chose to avoid the conversation.

“Anthony,” Daniel called. “Let me see what you’ve got there.” It was indeed a karate trophy and Anthony’s name was really on it. But something gave Daniel pause. “Street fighter? Anthony! You’ve seen what fighting has done to this family! You finally decide to show an interest now, of all times? And you, what, join an illegal fighting ring?”

“Dad, chill. I mean, come on. Look at me. You really think I won an athletic competition?”

Daniel raised an eyebrow but kept his mouth shut.

“It’s okay Dad, you can say it. I know you’re thinking it.”

Daniel pursed his lips. They tried never to bring up Anthony’s weight, not directly. But of course they were always trying to nudge him toward healthy habits. He didn’t need his son to be an athlete but… he had to admit he wished he were athletic. Of course Anthony picked up on it. Another thing Daniel had messed up.

“It’s a video game tournament, Dad. And I won a thousand bucks for college. Out-of-state, here I come!”

Daniel was about to remind his son that they’d already discussed why he and Amanda preferred the kids to stay close to home for their education when he stopped himself. He sipped the wine to cover the pause and gather his thoughts.

He motioned for Anthony to come closer. He wanted to pull him into a hug but at some point, Daniel had forgotten when, they’d stopped doing that, so instead he put a hand on Anthony’s shoulder.

“I just. I want you to know that I’m really proud of you.”

Anthony scoffed and his shoulder twitched as if he wanted to shrug off his father’s hand and stopped himself. “You’re just proud you raised a winner; you’re not proud of me or what I do.”

Daniel clenched his jaw. Fuck, how had he fucked this up so badly? Amanda was right to put off kids for so long and even still, he wasn’t ready… Still, he was proud of Anthony, in ways he’d never said because of what they said about himself. “Anthony. Tonio. I really am proud of you it’s just. Hard for me to show it because… what I respect the most about you is how you’re already your own man. You know who you are and you don’t need me getting in your way trying to drag you down a different path.”

Anthony was chewing the side of his cheek but he kept silent.

“You know,” Daniel continued, “why we called you Anthony, right?”

His son rolled his eyes. “So I’d never get lost,” he said petulantly.

Daniel nodded. “And so far you haven’t. Now, hide that trophy before your mom gets home. It’s great you won but, seriously, bad timing.”

Anthony nodded and headed towards his room. He’d only gotten a few paces out of the kitchen before the front door opened again. Daniel and his son shared a nervous glance before Sam walked in. 

When she saw the trophy, her eyes light up. “Heyyyy! You did it! Let me see the trophy!” She called before swooping in and trying to grab her brother in a hug. He used the trophy as a shield and tried to slip away. Sam chased him into the living room.

Daniel watched as his kids play wrestled. Anthony tried to pretend he didn’t care about Sam’s enthusiasm but it was clear he missed his sister’s approval more than his father’s. Suddenly it hit him like a thunderbolt - this, this is what he was risking if he kept going down the path he was on. His family, his business, Amanda. Could he really give that up for karate? But looking back on his life before Cobra Kai had slithered back into his life, could he live without karate now? He thought of the kids being indoctrinated into Kreese’s cult - could he abandon them for the sake of Sam and Anthony?

He’d been straddling the train tracks this whole time and Daniel knew full well this was a recipe to get squashed. The truth of it was, he didn’t trust his own judgment. Every choice he made just seemed to screw things up further. He was stupid and useless and only ever acted in bad faith - and he didn’t know how to be any other way. It’s not that he wasn’t a person, it’s that he was a bad person without someone to help him be better. First that was Mr. Miyagi, then Amanda. They’d helped him so much, but every time he tried to stand on his own, he fucked up royally. 

Daniel heard exaggerated wailing as Sam hoisted Anthony up onto her shoulders. At least all that karate training was being used for something good as she charioted him around the couch. There was still so much good in his life. He didn’t deserve it but also… they didn’t deserve to have him fuck it up for them. He knew it came down to him to do what he had to to save this and that he would have to do it alone.

—

Amanda got back late. She took off her shoes in the entryway and crept quietly through the dark house. She was surprised to find the bedroom light peeking out from under the closed door. 

“I thought you’d be pretending to sleep,” she said as she came in.

Daniel gave her a tight-lipped smile. “We have to talk.”

Amanda crossed her arms but didn’t say anything, waiting him out. This was new. Daniel preferred to ignore problems or chip away at them in a roundabout fashion. If he needed time to spit it out, it was the least she could do to give it to him.

Daniel clenched the bed sheets in his hands. His lips were white from how hard he was pressing them together. One hand came up to the side of his neck. He took a few deep breaths. Finally he said, “I think I should move out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, what a week, am I right? Working on this was oddly cathartic. Well, anyway, this is my attempt to do an Amanda backstory. One of the things I like least about the show is the implication that any bullying or abuse girls face is always verbal and never physical. Honestly, that doesn't track with my experience at all. I also really fell in love with the idea of Amanda as a master saleswoman and wanted to extend that idea into her relationship with Daniel as well as thinking about her dress and affect as part of that. Then the other side of it was to try to be fair to the relationship and the characters - we're seeing them at their worst in Ch1 so I wanted to think about why they even got together in the first place and what they were like when things were going well. 
> 
> The bit about never seeing your mom eat fries is inspired by the play/film Mouthpiece (written by Amy Nostbakken and Norah Sadava; film directed by Patricia Rozema).
> 
> I also really wanted to try to write Anthony in a way that made him feel like an actual person. 
> 
> Next up - the separation. We'll be seeing more of the extended cast and also a bit more action since I think now we've established where everyone is coming from.

**Author's Note:**

> And we're off to the races! I've got a decent chunk of the next part written, but it's a lot of Amanda backstory and pretty heavy so I decided to split the chapter here so I can take a little break. But the tags already spoiled it - this is going to be a journey through some dark stuff, but we will come out on the other end of it.


End file.
